With You Lie in April Does He Get His Skills Back Fully
A humorous look at Aspergers. Englebert updated this blog post in 2021 here.
by Englebert Lau
What are the top 10 signs you have Asperger's Syndrome?
1) You have inflexible routines
Girl: "Let's go watch a movie tonight."
Guy: "I can't, I have to play hockey."
Girl: "You play hockey every Friday night. Why can't you change your routine?"
Guy: "Good habits are important. Do you know what happens if I skip hockey to watch a movie tonight? Next week, I'll skip hockey because you want to go shopping. The week after that, I'll have to skip hockey because you want to paint pottery. After years of no exercise, I'll die early and overweight. Is that what you want?"
Girl: "Oh my god, you're crazy."
2) You have trouble displaying emotion
[Emotion #1: happy] Girl: "Oh my god, you just won the lotto. Why don't you look happy?"
Guy: "I am happy. I can pay off my mortgage faster. Look, I'm smiling. Doesn't that mean I'm happy?"
[Emotion #2: sad] Girl: "I'm sorry to hear that Calgary lost to Toronto. Are you okay?"
Guy: "I'm sad. Look, I'm not smiling. Doesn't that prove I'm sad?"
[Emotion #3: angry] Girl: "I'm so sorry that I broke your Batman DVD."
Guy: "I'm angry. Do I need to snap one of your shoes in half to prove that I'm upset?"
3) You have trouble figuring what is appropriate in social situations
Guy: [Gives flimsy hug] Girl: "Why is your hug so weak? Are you afraid of women?"
Guy: [Gives firm hug] Girl: "Why are you squeezing me so tightly? Stop choking me, you weirdo!"
4) You lack empathy
Girl: [Crying] Guy: "What's wrong?"
Girl: "My boyfriend just dumped me."
Guy: "Would you like a Kleenex?"
Girl: "What's wrong with you? Haven't you ever loved someone for years, then watched them walk away and then rip out your heart? Why can't you show any emotion?"
Guy: "But I'm having a good day. The Calgary Flames won the hockey game. Why do I have to pretend that I'm sad just to make you feel better?"
5) You know way too much information about a single topic
Girl: "What's the name of the girl who plays Daenerys on Game of Thrones?"
Guy: "Emilia Clarke."
Girl: "How old is she?"
Guy: "She's 28, born on May 1st, 1987."
Girl: "Who is she going out with?"
Guy: "She broke up with Seth MacFarlane in March 2013."
Girl: "Why do you know this stuff?
6) You have trouble figuring out when to lie
Girl: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Guy: "Yes."
Girl: "What the hell is wrong with you?" [Throws shoe at guy] Guy: "Do you want me to lie, or tell the truth? It's one or the other. You can't have both!"
7) You have trouble describing basic emotions
Girl: "So how would you describe yourself when you're angry?"
Guy: "I change the pitch of my voice. People who yell are usually upset."
Girl: "But at a hockey game, if the Flames score a goal, people yell because they're happy."
Guy: "Emotions are unreliable. Why do you always ask how I feel? Why can't you focus on reliable information, like facts?"
Girl: "You're weird. You're an emotionless robot."
8) You care way too much about organizing stuff
Girl: [Puts DVD back on shelf] Guy: "What the hell are you doing?"
Girl: "I'm putting your Batman Blu-Ray back on your shelf. What's your problem?"
Guy: "Did you go to kindergarten? Alphabetical order is "A", then "B", then "C". You almost put Batman on my shelf after Community. Good lord. How can I find a DVD when you're messing up my stuff?"
Girl: "Dude, relax. It's just a Blu-Ray. It's no big deal."
Guy: "Sure. Just like the alphabet and kindergarten are no big deal. Without kindergarten, we wouldn't be able to have this conversation!"
9) You have trouble understanding other people's emotions
Girl: "Wasn't Romeo and Juliet the best story every written? Didn't the story make you feel really sad?"
Guy: "I didn't feel anything. All I learned from Romeo and Juliet is that it's important to develop technology."
Girl: "What's wrong with you? Romeo and Juliet both gave up their lives because they were in love. They made the ultimate sacrifice for each other!"
Guy: "Can you imagine if they lived in 2015? All they had to do was send each other one lousy text message. Bam! Problem solved. No one had to die."
Girl: "Oh my god. You're an emotionless robot who doesn't understand romance."
Guy: "Hey, it's not my fault that they didn't invent cell phones in the Middle Ages."
10) You need other people to provide clear schedules and expectations
Girl: "We should hang out some time."
Guy: "What does that mean? What day do you want to hang out? How long do you want to hang out? What do you want to do? Can you be more specific? What does hanging out mean? Does that mean doing something that you want to do? Do I have to hang out with new people, which will cause me to analyze what is acceptable social behaviour, which changes from one person to the next person? Why can't you define anything clearly?"
Girl: [Sighs]
* * *
Englebert Lau was diagnosed with a mild case of Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 30. The majority of Englebert's professional career has been working in Information Technology as a Business Analyst. Englebert created http://www.hitchhikeraspie.com. The purpose of this website is to share a light-hearted perspective on Asperger's Syndrome. Englebert would like to increase exposure about Asperger's Syndrome for a wide range of people, by providing examples of how it affects his everyday life. Englebert loves TV series and movies, especially the HBO Game of Thrones series.
Artwork: Debbie Denenburg – Giant Purple Planet
Note:
The Art of Autism realizes many people come to this page with the questions, Do I have Autism? or, Do I have Aspergers? We recommend diagnosis by a professional. However, there are a couple of popular online quizzes that may give you an indication if you might be on the spectrum:
- The Aspie Quiz
- Autism Spectrum Quotient online test
See also:
- Top Ten Signs a Girl is Bored by Englebert Lau
- Females and Aspergers: A Checklist by Samantha Craft
With You Lie in April Does He Get His Skills Back Fully
Source: https://the-art-of-autism.com/top-10-signs-you-have-aspergers/
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